Screw Safety

So it's been much longer than anticipated in writing my next post.  Incidentally, the title of each post will be the name of the photo.

Only a month and half in and 2010 is proving to be a difficult year for me already.  I have not made the best decisions in my life, and some of them are catching up with me.  I feel like nothing has "gone my way" lately.  I try to teach my athletes that we are responsible for our own actions - I just never hoped to have to own up to some of my own demons.  But here I am, having to make things right because of my own actions. 
I have never been big into New Year's Resolutions - and this isn't going to be a list of resolutions, but rather a set of some changes I need to make in my life if I want to be truly happy.

Be the change you want to see in the world - Mahtma Gandhi. In my case, this goes two ways.  First, I need to be the change I want to see in my world.  I envisioned myself living life differently (haven't we all?).  I need to make the changes to be more consistent with what I want.  The second interpretation for me is to live my life as I teach my athletes to do.  The classic 'Do as I say, not as I do' dilemma.  I'm not completely full of shit, yet I know I need to adhere to this a little more closely sometimes.  I feel I am a role model, and a positive one at that, but I definitely do things in my personal life that I wouldn't want my students to know.  If I am to be a whole person, I need to make this change.

I will be more conscious of my actions.  All too often, I just live in the moment and don't think about the consequences or fall out of some of my decisions.  Sometimes I do think about it and just ignore my better judgement.  I believe I have done a much better job of this lately, yet I can still improve greatly in this area.

I will face the skeletons in my closet.  This will probably be the most difficult one for me.  I am not a confrontational type of person.  I have always found it easier to run away from ignore difficult situations rather than face up to them.  In recent years, I have become better at not doing this.  It's something that comes with age I suppose, but I still have room for major improvement in this area as well.

Trust others completely and be completely trusted.  I have always found the first part of this sentence to be difficult, which in turn, makes the second part near impossible.  I won't go too in depth on this one, as I don't think I have enough insight into this.  I just know that it has been the center of attention in many of my personal relationships, if not most.  I have lost a girlfriend over it.  I have lost friends over it.  I have pushed myself away from family over it.  This one will require professional help - I know this for fact.  But, there are ways I can work myself into a better position as well.  I think in combining the 3 other points above, I will make some progress on this aspect of my life.

Well, enough self reflection for tonight.  I just hope I have the strength to act on these issues and finally become the person I want to be.

Moving Forward.