I had an epiphany today...smack dab in the middle of REI whilst with my best friend (some say life partner) Jav.  I realized how much I have taken for granted in my life.  This train of thought started harmless enough with the reluctance of going to REI and/or Sport Chalet because I couldn't enjoy any of the activities for which they peddled their products.  I decided to go because it was more of a hopeful time...that I was investing in my future ability to enjoy these things.  Turns out, that as I'm there checking out some daypacks, I realized that I couldn't even try them on because of my "condition."  This got me to thinking about how much I've taken for granted the use of my limbs. That I am an extremely healthy, able-bodied, and capable human being that happens to have an injury.  Although it's been 4 months and at least a couple more before I'm 100% again, it's really nothing in the grand scheme of my life.  And although I've had a rough couple of months so far, I have a lot to be thankful for.  This led to thinking about everything else I've taken for granted.

I am fortunate to have a family that has never turned their back on me, despite me not reciprocating the behavior at times.  They love me unconditionally and would do anything for me, almost to a fault.

I have friends who have stood by me through thick and thin.  They care for my well-being and are there for me in the tough times at the drop of a hat.  They are also right by my side to celebrate or just have a beer.

I have, not only a roof over my head, but a house to myself and my two dogs.  More than can be said for the majority of people in our world.  And if this isn't enough, I live in one of the best climates in the world.  Southern California is great in the sense that it doesn't get too hot or too cold throughout the year.  The fact that I wear flip flops 350 days out of the year blows my mind sometimes. 

I have a reliable mode of transportation.  I don't have to sit on a bus bench in the rain at 5am to get to work by 7am.  I don't have to make a 45 minute bus ride that only takes 20 minutes by car at my own leisure.  Believe me, after my one week on public transportation, I have a new found respect for those that take public transportation out of necessity or even choice.  And I am definitely much more appreciative of the fact that I am spoiled by having a car.

I have a job doing what I love.  A job that not only pays the bills and affords me some luxuries, but one that pays me well to do what most don't consider "work."  Most people have to have a "real" job to do what I do.

I have my health.  I am getting to an age where I definitely recognize my mortality.  Let's face it, I'm no spring chicken, although I am healthy enough to put my body through the same rigors as my younger years and still come out relatively unscathed.

On this rainy day, I have adopted a sense of bluer skies and warmer climes to come.  It takes a little rain to make a rainbow.  Maybe this injury is my rain and the rainbow is everything else I do have in my life.  In any case,  here I am.

Moving Forward.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

I had my clavicle repaired surgically yesterday.  I now have a titanium plate and  seven screws placed along my left clavice.  As if it weren't tough enough to get through airport security with a name like Mustafa Hassan, I now am smuggling hardware on my persons.  I have yet to see the wound, or the scar it will leave, but I have a strange sense of pride about it.  I believe that scars are a reminder and a story of where we've been, and this ones a pretty good story, I think.

Anyhow...It is a relief to think that I will finally be able to move on from this injury.  I am looking forward to an unrestricted life and not having any excuses to not go surfing anymore.  I think, that more than anything, I need to get back to my roots and find my center in the ocean once again.  It will be nice to get back on a bike as well.  I feel like I have a second chance at using my body for leisure - other than using it as a "carnival" for my amusement.

At the moment, I am feeling very sore.  Certain movements stretch the skin and the platysmus underneath and others I feel tugging on my pec. major muscles.  But again, I am hopeful that this will finally pass and I will be better than new.  I did have an allergic reaction to the antibiotics (cephalexin) which caused my hands and feet to swell and itch and made my eyes puffy, red and itchy as hell.  Dr. Macarthur simply told me to stop using the antibiotics; that after 24 hrs I should be fine anyhow. 

Moving Forward!

Screw Safety

So it's been much longer than anticipated in writing my next post.  Incidentally, the title of each post will be the name of the photo.

Only a month and half in and 2010 is proving to be a difficult year for me already.  I have not made the best decisions in my life, and some of them are catching up with me.  I feel like nothing has "gone my way" lately.  I try to teach my athletes that we are responsible for our own actions - I just never hoped to have to own up to some of my own demons.  But here I am, having to make things right because of my own actions. 
I have never been big into New Year's Resolutions - and this isn't going to be a list of resolutions, but rather a set of some changes I need to make in my life if I want to be truly happy.

Be the change you want to see in the world - Mahtma Gandhi. In my case, this goes two ways.  First, I need to be the change I want to see in my world.  I envisioned myself living life differently (haven't we all?).  I need to make the changes to be more consistent with what I want.  The second interpretation for me is to live my life as I teach my athletes to do.  The classic 'Do as I say, not as I do' dilemma.  I'm not completely full of shit, yet I know I need to adhere to this a little more closely sometimes.  I feel I am a role model, and a positive one at that, but I definitely do things in my personal life that I wouldn't want my students to know.  If I am to be a whole person, I need to make this change.

I will be more conscious of my actions.  All too often, I just live in the moment and don't think about the consequences or fall out of some of my decisions.  Sometimes I do think about it and just ignore my better judgement.  I believe I have done a much better job of this lately, yet I can still improve greatly in this area.

I will face the skeletons in my closet.  This will probably be the most difficult one for me.  I am not a confrontational type of person.  I have always found it easier to run away from ignore difficult situations rather than face up to them.  In recent years, I have become better at not doing this.  It's something that comes with age I suppose, but I still have room for major improvement in this area as well.

Trust others completely and be completely trusted.  I have always found the first part of this sentence to be difficult, which in turn, makes the second part near impossible.  I won't go too in depth on this one, as I don't think I have enough insight into this.  I just know that it has been the center of attention in many of my personal relationships, if not most.  I have lost a girlfriend over it.  I have lost friends over it.  I have pushed myself away from family over it.  This one will require professional help - I know this for fact.  But, there are ways I can work myself into a better position as well.  I think in combining the 3 other points above, I will make some progress on this aspect of my life.

Well, enough self reflection for tonight.  I just hope I have the strength to act on these issues and finally become the person I want to be.

Moving Forward.

One foot in front of the other

 

Progress is measured in small steps - one foot in front of the other.  This blog is just one of those steps in my progress through life.  I don't have any idea what I will write about on any given day - it may be some life-altering event or something as mundane as how my day is going.  It may be out of boredom or some need of self-therapy.  I can't even guarantee I will even publish this for anyone to see.  I just know that I am committing myself to check in from time to time. 

I have always been a very private and introspective person.  Maybe it was the fact that I was an only child and never really had to share myself or my possessions with anyone else.  Putting myself ou there for all the world to see is daunting for me, but I move forward and hopefully grow as a person.  More importantly, I will learn more about myself through this external monologue (versus my natural inclination for internal dialogue).  

I also hope to improve my photography skills by trying to post an original photo with each post - this idea has come from a friend of mine, Dan Miller, who has some amazing photographs on his blog.  It may pertain to the post, or it may just be an image that struck me that day.  FYI - the posted image was taken last spring in Joshua Tree on what will hopefully be an annual trip with a great group of guys.

Well, I feel as if my thoughts are a bit scattered at the moment.  I feel that I can write about anything and everything in my life at the moment. Instead of posting a blog equivalent to the length of  War and Peace or writing about the last time I made sweet love to myself,  I will end this post here.

Moving Forward